Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

20 practices
How long you have · A minute
Who it is written for · Me
Where you are right now
On your own, or with someone
Theme · Get started
Staying regulated in conflict 46The moment before you snap 39Choosing your response 36Cool the body first 33What anger actually is 25Your nervous system 24Grounding and settling 24Medication and how it works 23Bringing the future closer 22Systems for daily life 22Answering bids 22The fear underneath anger 21Get started 20Equanimity and perspective 17Fondness and admiration 15Your sense of time 15Treatment and medication 14Knowing your partner 14Practising under provocation 14Affection and touch 14Repair after rupture 13Making it stick 13Growing empathy 13Feelings and focus 12Touch and bodywork 12Structure and routine 12Food, caffeine and fuel 11Gratitude 9Breathing 9When everything feels flat 8Being seen and judged 8Exercise, food and other supports 8Listening and understanding 8Getting assessed and diagnosed 7Tolerate distress 7Remembering to do it 7What ADHD actually is 7Moving your body 7What worry does 6Shared spiritual life 6Rituals of connection 6Treatment and medication 6What you are actually defending 6Posture and how you carry yourself 5Rebuilding trust 5Screens and attention 5Shame and stigma 5Feeling from the inside 4Question the thought 4Self-compassion 4Name what you feel 3Safety and grounding 3Emotions as signals 3Ride the urge 2Patience and trust 2Obsessions and compulsions 2Notice the pattern and flex 2Validate yourself and others 2Breaking the worry loop 2Shame 2Righteous anger and perfectionism 2Meaning after harm 2Let the wave come 2Working with anger 2Your worth is not conditional 2Hold a boundary 2Facing it a step at a time 2When you use something to cope 2Calm the body 2The cost of avoiding 2Care for yourself in loss 1Help someone grieving 1Get it out of your head 1Act on your values 1Ask and say no well 1When you go numb 1Face it gently 1Listen to the body 1Letting it out safely 1Your window of tolerance 1Rest and pacing 1Panic and the body 1Anger, alcohol and the body 1Keep the bond 1

Rest a hand on your forehead for a second and ask where your attention is actually pointing right now. Not where it ought to be, just where it is.

Attention drifts quietly, so twenty minutes can go without you ever deciding anything. A small physical gesture gives the question something to hook…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 20:114

Everybody finds unrewarding tasks harder to start. If yours seem to cost several times what other people pay, that is a real difference in how your brain handles reward, not a flaw in your character.

It shows up worst on the jobs with nothing built into them: the form, the receipts, the email you have already read four times. Knowing the cost is…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 20:26

Before you decide, stop and picture Thursday twice: once having done a bit of this today, once not. Let both of them land properly.

The comparison is what does the work. A single imagined outcome is easy to shrug off, but holding the two side by side makes the cost of waiting…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 57:21

Notice the question you are asking yourself. If it is do I feel like doing this, the answer will be no today, no tomorrow, and no on the day it is due.

A question that always returns the same answer is not helping you decide anything. Swap it for a plainer one: what are the first two minutes of this,…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 9:105

You will not enjoy it on Thursday either. What Thursday takes away is the choice, not the dislike.

Underneath most delaying is a quiet hope that some future version of you will feel differently about the job. That version does not turn up. Once you…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 51:50

One question to keep in your pocket: if I skip this now, how will I feel about it on Thursday? Ask it at the door of the task, then move.

It is a small swap and it takes two seconds, which is what makes it usable when there is nobody around to prompt you. It shifts you off how the task…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 2:148

Make the first move small enough to be almost silly. Open the document and type the date. Put the trainers by the door. Everything after that is cheaper.

Nearly all the cost of a task sits at the entrance, so that is where your design effort should go. Decide the first physical action the night before,…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 87:8

Take half a minute and see Thursday night in detail, both versions: the one where you did some of this today, and the one where you did not.

Knowing about a deadline does almost nothing. Feeling it does the work, and feeling arrives through detail. The lamp still on, what is open on the…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 84:6

Ask a friend to be the person who knows. Send them a line on the days you went, with no reply needed. Being known about today is what does the work.

It only helps if you set it up yourself and say exactly what you want, otherwise it slips into being nagged. Keep it small and specific: one line,…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 9:105

Everything you say about how much you hate this job is probably true, and saying it again makes the job heavier. Notice the second or third round and stop there.

Complaining once is fine and often useful. The loop is what costs you, since each pass makes the task feel worse and spends the energy you were going…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 51:50

If some of your appointments make it into the calendar and some do not, that is still better than none of them. Half a system is not a failed system.

The usual way these things die is not gradual. You miss a few days, decide it is not working, and drop the whole thing, which puts you back where you…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 2:286

I will remember that. I can do it later. I will work better after I have just checked my email. Three sentences that cost most of us a great deal.

Each one is true occasionally, which is precisely why it survives. You did remember something once, and you were productive after a snack that one…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 51:50

The good news is that most of us only run three or four of these. A short list is something you can genuinely keep an eye on.

Notice your distortions is far too big an instruction to follow. Three named sentences in your own words is not. Write them on a card, keep it where…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 17:19

Next time you tell yourself you will remember it, ask what you would bet on that. A month's rent, for or against. The answer usually arrives before you have finished asking.

Turning a comfortable belief into a wager makes its odds obvious, and it does it without a row. Keep it light and a bit silly, because the point is…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 53:39

When you finish the dull task, give yourself something you actually like. A reward you do not really want does no work at all.

Choose it before you start and make it specific: the good coffee rather than whatever is in the cupboard, half an hour of the thing you keep…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 16:97

When you get something hard done, resist waving it off with "anyone could have done that". Let it count.

That reflex is common in people who have spent years falling short of what they meant to do, and it quietly cancels the good of finishing. Try the…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 17:19

There is a sort of avoidance that looks like getting things done. Sorting the drawer, clearing the inbox, any mildly useful job that is not the one you are dreading.

It is harder to catch than obvious time wasting because it leaves you nothing to feel guilty about. At the end of the day the shelf is tidy, the…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 18:23

Rather than asking whether what you are doing is worthwhile, ask what it is keeping you away from.

The first question is too easy to pass. Almost anything you are doing can be defended as useful, which is why it never catches you out. The second…

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 3:159

Shrink the first step until it takes two minutes, and do only that.

The wall is usually the size of the first step, not the whole task. Make the step tiny enough to fall over.

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 87:8

Do not wait to feel ready. Say Musa's prayer, ease my task, and take one step; the wish to go on comes after.

Motivation usually follows action, not the other way round. Start badly if you must, but start.

A minuteGet startedADHD skillsQur’an 20:26

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.