Practices

If the only real feedback a child gets arrives every ten weeks, it will not shape a single Tuesday. A report at the end of term is a record, not a motivator.

This is worth saying gently to teachers and to parents who feel that grades ought to be motivation enough. For this child they are not, and no amount…

For younger children, make the reward small, concrete and soon. Stickers, points, a smiley face, five minutes of something good, handed over the same hour rather than at the end of the week.

Points that build towards something bigger work well, as long as the point itself arrives immediately. Hourly is not too often for a young child, and…

Keep consequences for the sake of honesty, but let praise and reward do most of the work. Punishment can tell a child what to stop and it cannot tell them what to do instead.

Children with this difficulty collect an extraordinary amount of correction over a childhood, from teachers, from parents, from other children.…

Go looking for the moment the child does the thing you have been asking for, and say so while it is still happening. Most of us watch for the problem and only notice the good behaviour when we have run out of trouble.

It helps to decide in advance what you are hunting for, so that starting the homework without being asked, or waiting a turn, actually registers…

Part of what keeps the late start going is that it has genuinely worked. You have produced something good in one long night before, and you remember it clearly.

So telling you that leaving it late is a bad plan tends to fail, because you have evidence and the other person does not. The honest version is…

The dreaming is not the problem. It is that bills, forms and renewal dates are dull enough to stop registering at all, and those are the things that actually damage a life.

People who are managing well in every visible way still get brought down by a lapsed policy or an unopened letter from the council. Trying to care…

If reading has always been slow and effortful, that is worth looking at in its own right. Dyslexia and ADHD turn up together far more often than chance would give, and they need different help.

Someone can do very well in a subject built on reading and still read slowly, and that is often the difficulty left over once everything else has…

When someone reminds you often enough, things do get done. But the sense of time doing the work is theirs, which is why it all collapses the moment they stop.

Worth naming out loud in a household, because the reminding costs the relationship something and never builds the missing part. A better arrangement…

Bad with time covers at least five different things: arriving late, missing deadlines, never planning ahead, always guessing the best case, and losing hours inside something absorbing. Each one has a different fix.

Write your own list and mark which ones actually apply to you. Someone who is never late but always guesses the best case needs a record of real…

A clock only counts if you can see it without doing anything. Behind you, in a pocket, behind a lock screen: that is not a clock, that is an errand.

Walk through the places where time actually disappears for you and put something visible in each one. The bathroom, the kitchen, the desk, the room…

When you are sure something takes ten minutes, do not argue with yourself. Write down the guess, start a timer, and look at both afterwards.

Do it for the handful of jobs that keep wrecking your mornings: the shower, the email, the tidy before guests. Keep the numbers somewhere you can…

Write the morning out in small steps with times against them and stick it where you will pass it. Bathroom finished by quarter past, clothes on by half past, at the table by twenty to.

A single hour before you leave is far too long an interval to monitor, so you find out you are late only when you are late. Broken into six pieces,…

If the internal clock is not there, put clocks in the room. Somewhere the child can see without turning round, a timer on the desk, one on the wall by where they work.

Think of it as a prop rather than a cure. The aim is not to train an ability into existence before the child is allowed to cope, it is to let them…

Take the Friday deadline and walk it backwards onto the days. What happens Monday, what happens Tuesday, written down where both of you can see it.

Children with this difficulty rarely generate the sequence themselves, and asking them to is asking for the thing that is hard. So supply it, on…

Walking away from a course or a job that was never going to fit can be the sensible move rather than a failure of nerve. It is also frightening, particularly when other people are paying for it.

Fit does more work here than effort does. The person who cannot survive a rigid nine to five in an open plan office may be excellent somewhere with…

ADD and ADHD are not two different things. ADD is the older public word for what is now called ADHD, inattentive type, and the quieter presentation is not a lighter version of it.

The mix up matters more than it sounds. Parents sometimes hear ADD and take it to mean something mild that will not need treatment, and school or…

Some people will not believe this exists whatever you show them. You are allowed to give a short honest answer and then let the conversation go.

Keep one or two plain facts ready for people who are genuinely curious, because that conversation is often worth having. It is a different…

A blank face is not usually an angry one. If you tend to read disappointment into people who are only tired or thinking, that reading is a habit, and habits can be checked.

Two things feed it. Reading faces accurately is genuinely harder for some people with ADHD, and if you grew up being told off a great deal, expecting…

Talking a lot is on the diagnostic list. It sits with the impulsive symptoms, which makes it part of the condition rather than proof that you are self absorbed.

That reframe is worth having, because most people who do this have been told off for it for years and have drawn an unkind conclusion about…

Before you offer anyone the upside of their ADHD, say the hard part out loud first. One patient's answer to being told it was a gift was to ask where he could return it.

A reframe offered too early does not sound hopeful, it sounds like you were not listening. Name the cost in specifics, the job that went, the…