Practices
Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.
Narrowed down
342 practicesArea
How long you have · Twenty minutes
Who it is written for
Where you are right now
On your own, or with someone
Theme
Approach
Sometimes the row is not really about the row. Some people reach for conflict because it is the one thing that makes them feel properly awake.
If you notice you feel sharp and alive during an argument and flat afterwards, that is worth sitting with rather than being ashamed of. The need…
Before treating a temper as a character problem, check the body. Poor sleep, hunger, a new medication, drinking, a head injury and a number of neurological conditions all show up as a short fuse.
This matters most when the change is recent. Somebody even tempered for forty years who is now flying off at nothing has usually got something…
The mind that runs ahead into everything that could go wrong is the same mind that plans well, sees round corners and has things ready in time. One trait, pointed in two directions.
If you have been told all your life that you overthink, it is worth saying plainly that this trait has served you. The aim is not to flatten it. It…
When you assess a young person, take a reading of the adults as well: what they understand about the world their child lives in, and how comfortable they are in it.
A good deal of what arrives as the presenting problem is really a mismatch. A parent reads something ordinary as alarming, or something serious as…
A small child works out how to feel about itself by looking at its parents' faces. If that face was missing, or busy, the looking does not stop, it just moves on to teachers, coaches, friends and strangers.
It is part of why being disrespected can feel so much larger than the moment deserves. Some of that old search is still running. The work is slow and…
Ask one question about the worry: is there something to be done here that has not been done? If yes, make the plan. If the plan already exists, or there is nothing to plan, the worry gets no more of your time.
Making a study timetable is useful once. Making it for the fourth time is worry wearing the clothes of work. The test is not how serious the topic is…
Whatever approach the anxious person is learning, teach it to the people they live with. A skill that only one person in the house knows gets overridden by everyone else's habits.
Families have a settled way of responding to distress, usually built out of love, and it will win against anything learned in an hour once a week. So…
Online you can edit, delete, mute and leave. People who have done most of their socialising that way often find ordinary company unbearable, because ordinary company cannot be controlled.
If that describes you, the answer is not to become a different sort of person. It is practice in rooms you cannot manage: a class, a job with shifts,…
With a child, make it a job rather than a lesson. They are the detective, the worried thought is the claim, and the task is to collect what supports it and what does not before deciding anything.
Two columns on a page, in their handwriting, not yours. Ask what a friend would notice, what happened the last three times, what would have to be…
Do not tell a child their thinking is wrong, and do not hand them the better thought. Ask the questions and let them arrive at it themselves.
A conclusion someone reaches on their own stays with them. One that was given to them falls apart the moment they are frightened, because it was…
Sometimes there really is evidence for the fear. Say so. The balance comes from the other column being fuller, not from pretending the first column is empty.
Children are being bullied, are laughed at, do get things wrong in front of everyone. If you wave that away, they learn the exercise is fixed and…
Connection settles people, but the right amount of it varies enormously. Some settle with a house full of family and some with one person and no talking at all.
If closeness costs you something, plan around that rather than pushing through. Shorter visits, sitting side by side instead of face to face, a walk…
A regular sitting practice is training rather than a treat. What you practise when things are calm is what your body can find when they are not.
The state people describe in mindfulness and the state of feeling safe in your own body overlap almost completely. That is a good reason to keep the…
Yoga, slow breathing with feedback, neurofeedback and listening programmes are all aiming at the same target. Pick the one you can actually get to and keep doing.
Because they share a mechanism, they are largely swappable. Cost, travel, waiting lists and whether you enjoy it are legitimate grounds for choosing…
If you understand your history perfectly and nothing has changed, you are not failing at this. Insight alone is pushing water uphill against the current of information coming from your body.
Articulate people get stuck here often, because talking is the thing they are best at. What tends to be missing is an actual experience of being safe…
None of this makes thinking useless. Making sense of what happened, and changing what you concluded about yourself, does work that no breathing exercise touches.
The body work settles the alarm. The thinking work deals with the verdict you passed on yourself afterwards: that you are weak, that it was your…
Being still is not the problem. The circuit that shuts you down under threat is the same one that lets you sleep deeply, digest, rest and curl up with someone you love.
So the aim is not to stay switched on. It is to be still and safe at the same time, which is a capacity you can rebuild rather than a symptom to…
Deep rest needs a dose like anything else. If a long daily relaxation is leaving you flatter each week rather than steadier, make it shorter.
Someone can start a forty day programme of long guided rest with the best intentions and find that by the second week they are sinking instead of…
If you are the person who steadies every room, ask yourself when a room last steadied you.
Some people are very good at this because they were handed the job at six years old, in a house where somebody had to keep everyone level. It becomes…
Real rest, closeness and unhurried prayer all ask for the same thing: being still while feeling safe. That is harder than it sounds if stillness has ever been dangerous.
It is why some people cope beautifully in a crisis and find a quiet evening unbearable, and why intimacy and slow worship are often the last things…
Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.