Areas › Your body
Your body
You cannot think your way out of a body that is braced. This area starts there: the breath, the ground under you, moving, eating, resting, and the small physical things that change how the rest of the day lands.
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How long you have
Safety comes in through three doors: your body, the place you are in, and the people around you. If one is shut, try another.
This matters most when you are on your own and the person you would ring is not there. You can still change the room, open a window, go outside, put…
When someone is frightened, your words may not reach them however sensible they are. Drop your voice, slow right down, and let the tone do the work.
In high alarm, hearing tips towards low rumbling sounds and away from the range the human voice sits in, so reassurance can genuinely fail to land.…
When someone cannot take in your reassurance while they are frightened, that is the receiver and not their willingness. Wait for the wave to pass and try again.
In high arousal, hearing shifts away from the band the human voice occupies, so kind words can genuinely arrive as noise. It is easy to read that as…
If your usual trouble is a racing heart, a crowded head and never quite coming down, slow paced breathing with a feedback device is the one to try first.
Part of the appeal is that you can watch it work. Five or ten minutes of breathing at the pace the app sets, with the trace on the screen smoothing…
Three minutes of slow breathing between one person and the next is not a break. It is part of the work.
Whoever you sit with next is reading your state before they hear a word of what you say, so arriving settled is a professional act rather than a…
A stress response is built to finish. The rush comes up, you do something with it, and then it drains away and you are back to yourself.
The trouble is that the doing something rarely happens, because you cannot run or shout in the middle of a meeting. The aim is not to stop the surge.…
Not all stillness is the same. One kind is braced and wide awake. The other has gone soft and far away.
In the braced kind there is high alertness and a lot of held tension: jaw set, hands tight, everything ready. In the collapsed kind the tone drops…
Thinking about a feeling tends to slow it down. Feeling it in your body tends to speed it up. Between those two you have a throttle.
When someone is flooded, moving to words, naming and a little distance brings it down. When someone is flat and describing their week from behind…
The tools that slow things down mostly use your head: naming what is happening, standing back a little, putting the distress at arm's length for now.
Explaining to yourself what your body is doing. Watching a thought rather than arguing with it. Asking whether the worst reading is the only reading.…
The tools that reach what words cannot are physical: feet on the floor, a long breath out, pushing hard against a wall, deliberately walking away from something.
Some of what happened is held below language, which is why the most articulate account of it can leave you unchanged. Movement that finishes…
Wanting sugar, salt and something sharp at the end of a punishing week is physiology talking, not a defect in your character.
Long stretches of high stress come with real bodily consequences, and a shifted appetite is one of the visible ones. Fighting the craving head on…
When you cannot settle yourself, borrow somebody else's steadiness. Sitting near a calm person, even without talking, is a real thing to try.
Choose by effect rather than by closeness. Some people you love leave you more wound up than you started, and some people you barely know are easy to…
If you mostly run hot and jumpy, start with slow paced breathing. If you mostly go blank and far away, work that reaches you through sound and voice tends to get further.
The idea is to pick the tool that pulls against your usual tilt. Breathing practice puts the brake back on a system that has lost it. Sound and voice…