Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

22 practices
How long you have · A minute
Who it is written for · Me
Where you are right now
On your own, or with someone
Theme · Systems for daily life
Staying regulated in conflict 46The moment before you snap 39Choosing your response 36Cool the body first 33What anger actually is 25Grounding and settling 24Your nervous system 24Medication and how it works 23Answering bids 22Systems for daily life 22Bringing the future closer 22The fear underneath anger 21Get started 20Equanimity and perspective 17Fondness and admiration 15Your sense of time 15Knowing your partner 14Practising under provocation 14Treatment and medication 14Affection and touch 14Making it stick 13Growing empathy 13Repair after rupture 13Feelings and focus 12Structure and routine 12Touch and bodywork 12Food, caffeine and fuel 11Breathing 9Gratitude 9When everything feels flat 8Being seen and judged 8Listening and understanding 8Exercise, food and other supports 8Moving your body 7Remembering to do it 7What ADHD actually is 7Getting assessed and diagnosed 7Tolerate distress 7Shared spiritual life 6What you are actually defending 6Treatment and medication 6Rituals of connection 6What worry does 6Screens and attention 5Posture and how you carry yourself 5Rebuilding trust 5Shame and stigma 5Feeling from the inside 4Self-compassion 4Question the thought 4Safety and grounding 3Name what you feel 3Emotions as signals 3Facing it a step at a time 2Obsessions and compulsions 2Patience and trust 2Ride the urge 2Righteous anger and perfectionism 2Meaning after harm 2Shame 2Hold a boundary 2Let the wave come 2Validate yourself and others 2Working with anger 2Breaking the worry loop 2Your worth is not conditional 2When you use something to cope 2Calm the body 2The cost of avoiding 2Notice the pattern and flex 2Face it gently 1Letting it out safely 1Listen to the body 1Help someone grieving 1Anger, alcohol and the body 1Panic and the body 1Care for yourself in loss 1Ask and say no well 1Rest and pacing 1Keep the bond 1Act on your values 1Get it out of your head 1Your window of tolerance 1When you go numb 1
Approach
When

Charge the phone in another room overnight. Not face down, not on the far side of the bed: another room, so that reaching it means standing up.

Distance is what does the work here, which is why the halfway versions never hold. If you use it as an alarm, a cheap clock settles that for the…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeMedical and treatmentQur’an 65:3

Choose one person and tell them you will send the finished thing by a set time. Not a conversation about how it is going, just the file, the photo, or the word done.

The sending is the whole mechanism, so keep it small and exact: what, and by when. It does not have to be someone qualified to judge the work, and it…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 2:282

The planning part of the brain is the last to finish growing, and it keeps developing well into the twenties. Eighteen is a legal age rather than a developmental one.

This is worth saying plainly in a family where someone is being asked why they cannot just be responsible now. Nobody expects a fourteen year old to…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 2:286

With attention difficulties the organising side often runs a few years behind the birthday. A nineteen year old may be running life more like a sixteen year old, and that is a lag rather than a verdict.

Set expectations against where someone actually is instead of what year they were born in. That way the support that felt normal at school does not…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 65:7

Reading a room is a skill rather than a personality trait, and it can be broken into parts. Before you speak, take a second to look: who is here, what they are doing, how loud the place is.

Give yourself a short list to run through. How are people dressed and speaking, is this somewhere jokes land, is anybody clearly in a hurry. Then…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 3:159

If a year out is coming, call it a bridge rather than a gap. A gap is a hole in a record. A bridge is going somewhere.

That word will be repeated at every family gathering for twelve months, so it is worth choosing carefully. A bridge year has a direction and an end,…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 84:19

If you cannot start, the step is too big. Shrink it until it sounds daft: open the document, write the date, put one plate in the sink.

The catch is that the daft step has to be the whole of what you agreed to do, not a trick for getting yourself to do the enormous thing. Most days…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 65:3

Praise the sitting down at the desk, not only the finished piece. If recognition only shows up when something is completed, most weeks it never shows up at all.

Say what you actually saw, and say it close to the moment: you sat down twice today when you clearly did not want to. Small rewards work too, as long…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 34:11

Use a timer you can see rather than one you have to read. A dial where the coloured part shrinks tells you how much is left at a glance, with no arithmetic in the way.

Set it for the length of the task, or for the length you can stand, and leave it where your eye falls. A digital countdown asks you to work out what…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 27:40

Put something you genuinely want at the end of the chain, and keep it where you can see it. A reward far off in the future is much the same as no reward at all.

Name it before you begin and write it at the top of the page. Keep it close: this evening rather than next term. It does not have to be impressive.…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 2:286

Writing things down is not evidence that your memory has failed. It is what happens once there is more in your life than one head can hold.

Most people who refuse a system are protecting something: the sense of being capable, of not being the sort of person who needs help with this. Argue…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 68:1

Putting something in the diary does not guarantee it happens. It gives it a chance it did not have before. That is the honest promise, and it is still worth having.

Expect a fair few blocks to pass unused, particularly in the first month. That is not the system failing, it is the system doing what it does, which…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 3:159

Putting a task in the diary is not the same as doing it. The slot holds the time. The starting is still yours.

Worth knowing before you build anything, because when the first week goes by with the boxes filled and half of them untouched, the honest conclusion…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 3:159

When something has sat undone for weeks, ask what next month's version of you would say about it. Relieved it is finished, or honestly indifferent?

If future you would be relieved, this is procrastination and it needs a hand: a smaller first step, a set time, someone alongside you. If future you…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 12:48

Every time your eye lands on the job you have never started, it takes a small toll. Ten of those on one list is a tax you pay all day without noticing.

This is the argument for cutting a list back hard, and it has nothing to do with tidiness. An item you are not going to do still costs you something…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 4:28

An hour exists somewhere in the week for almost anything. That is what makes yes so easy, and it is not the same as having an hour.

The question that gets skipped is not whether the time exists but what is already claiming it. Answering that means calling to mind everything you…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 17:29

Practise one sentence until it comes out on its own: let me check and come back to you. It buys the few minutes you need to answer truthfully.

The moment of being asked is the hard part, because the yes is out of your mouth before any checking has happened. Having one phrase ready means you…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 20:114

Put the uncertainty at the front. Not Thursday, possibly Friday, most likely Monday is worth far more to the other person than a confident yes you cannot keep.

It feels worse to say, which is why people avoid it. But a hedge given early costs you nothing, while a promise broken later costs twice: the thing…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 25:67

The cheapest place to deal with a task is before it ever reaches your list. Some things are better declined in the moment they are offered.

Once something is written down it starts costing you. It gets read, moved to next week, copied out again, felt guilty about. Filtering at the door…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 7:31

Let the child score themselves on the same sheet the teacher scores. Two columns, filled in separately, then looked at together.

At first the two columns can be miles apart, and that is the useful bit rather than a problem. Nobody is being caught out. Over the weeks the gap…

A minuteSystems for daily lifeADHD skillsQur’an 10:61

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.