Your body

If you try to call up a good feeling and nothing arrives, you are in ordinary company. That blankness is common after a long stretch of hard years, and it is workable.

It helps to do this part with someone else at first, because another person will notice the flicker you dismissed. Look for what is reliably there…

Keep the explanation short when you offer this to someone. It is a way of breathing that gets your heart to send your brain a message to settle. Would you like to try it?

Long technical framings cost more than they buy. They ask a person to take in a great deal before they have felt anything, and the offer of a choice…

Practise this when you are calm and again when you are wound up. The second one is what makes it available in the moment you need it.

Skills learned in one state can be strangely hard to find in another, which is why people say they forgot to use it. Do the first round with someone…

Calm is not automatically the goal, and arousal is not automatically the enemy. What you are after is a system that can move between them.

The older idea was simple: stress bad, relaxation good. It missed that the same slowing down which feels like peace when you are safe is shutdown…

Gut trouble during a hard stretch is not imaginary and it is not a character flaw. Your gut has its own branch of the nervous system, and it answers threat like the rest of you.

It senses chemical change, runs digestion and talks to your immune system, and it is wired into the same circuits that handle fear. So the churning,…

Your stress system needs an all clear as much as it needs an alarm. What often breaks after trauma is the signal that says it is over.

Cortisol rises to get you moving, and a feedback loop is meant to notice you are safe and turn the tap off. When that loop is working badly, avoiding…

Unfinished defence tends to park somewhere specific: a jaw that will not unclench, arms that never got to push, legs that never ran.

Mobilising starts deep in the middle of you and travels out to the edges, first the eyes and jaw and voice, then the arms, then the legs. Stopped…

When the danger still feels like it is happening, that is not a mistake in your thinking. It is a sequence in your body that never got to finish.

This is why arguing with yourself does so little. You can know the date, know where you are, know it is long over, and still have a system reporting…

People carrying long term trauma often show low stress hormone levels rather than high ones. Flat and exhausted is a stress presentation too.

Researchers expected the opposite and found this repeatedly. It matches what people describe: not wired but wrung out, foggy, unable to get started.…

A day has a shape. Energy up in the morning, a real dip in the early afternoon, a second lift in the evening, then down into sleep.

That early afternoon dip is normal and not a sign that you are lazy. Knowing the ordinary pattern gives you something to compare your own against,…

Coming alive at night is a common pattern after trauma. Mornings are flat, the day is heavy, and something lifts around the time you are meant to be winding down.

It is easy to hear that as a lifestyle choice, and easier still to blame yourself for it. It is more accurately a shifted rhythm. Naming it that way…

Relaxation exercises make some people feel worse, and there is a reason for it. The branch that gives you rest when you are safe is the branch that gives you shutdown when you are not.

If your alertness is the thing holding you out of collapse, removing it can drop you into the collapse. That is not a failure to relax properly. If…

Roughly four fifths of the traffic on the vagus nerve is heading up from your body to your brain. Your brain is largely reading a report from your body.

That is the strongest argument for working with the body rather than only with thoughts. If the report says danger, telling yourself a better story…

The shutdown side of this system runs everything below your diaphragm. That is why going flat so often arrives with stomach trouble, bladder trouble and no appetite.

Those symptoms usually get treated as separate problems, or as nothing at all. Seeing them as part of one state can be a relief, and it makes the…

Sound sensitivity is not a fault in your hearing. Under threat the ear opens out towards high and low sounds, the range that carries warning, and that is the range which makes ordinary life feel loud.

Screeching, growling, humming, scraping: those are the frequencies that signal alarm in the animal world, and a system on guard widens to catch them.…

A child who does not feel safe cannot filter the room. The pencil scratch, the scraping chair, the fan and the rustle of a coat all arrive at the same volume as the teacher.

So the attention problem is real, and it is not the same thing as not caring or not trying. A quieter corner, a seat away from the noisy fan, a…

If your response to being hurt was to go blank rather than fight or run, look at how old you were and how big they were. Blank may have been the only thing left.

A small child cannot fight an adult and cannot leave the house. When trying to connect has already failed and the other two doors are locked, what…

Going limp is an old survival bet, not a failure of nerve. Some animals are alive only because they stopped moving.

The wager is that whatever has hold of you will lose interest in something that seems already dead, and that when it does you will get up and go. It…

The goal is not to have less energy. It is to have a brake you can feather rather than slam.

Your accelerator is not the problem. You need it for work, for lifting things, for standing up for somebody. What tends to be missing is the fine…

There is a difference between not being upset anymore and actually being settled. The first is a rough tuning. The second is finer.

On a stringed instrument the big pegs get you near the note and the small tuners at the other end find the exact pitch, and the difference is…