Practices

Hold their hand while you talk about something completely ordinary.

Touch with no request attached is a language of safety all its own.

When they are upset, move physically closer before you say anything.

Nearness often comforts before any words can, and asks nothing in return.

Make them laugh once today, on purpose.

Shared lightness is not frivolous; it is a thread that keeps two people close.

Do one small, slightly ridiculous thing together.

A shared bit of play refreshes a couple more than another serious conversation can.

Being cornered is a trigger all by itself. If you want somebody to come down, hand back a little freedom: a clear way out of the room, a choice about where to sit, some say in when this gets talked about.

Watch how fast things escalate the moment a person cannot move, cannot leave, cannot decide anything. It is not stubbornness, it is an old alarm…

When someone comes at you angry, listen for the fear in it. It changes what you say next, and it changes what their anger does to you.

A raised voice usually produces apprehension, and apprehension makes people stiffen or back away. Hearing frightened rather than hostile leaves you…

Let them tell the good story twice.

Sharing a joy and being met with delight makes the joy larger and the bond warmer.

Ask which kind of support they want today rather than deciding for them.

Sometimes it is help, sometimes only company; asking spares you both the wrong gift.

Do not only correct the thought, correct the sentence. Rather than do not shout at me, try can you take those off, I want to talk to you.

Telling yourself to stay calm gives you nothing to do, and the ready-made sharp line is still the only thing in your mouth. A plain request gives all…

When someone protests that swallowing their feelings is unnatural, agree with them, because it is. Then add the part they have not said: it is also necessary, and there are better ways to do it than swallowing.

Arguing that calm comes naturally costs you your credibility in a single sentence. Conceding the true half leaves nothing to defend, and the…

A story that grips one person can harm another. Before reaching for something graphic to make a point, be sure you know who is in front of you.

Shocking images work because they stick, which is exactly the danger for someone who has hurt themselves before or who thinks about it when things go…

When you explain executive function to parents and teachers, four words will do: attention, reasoning, speed, memory. Each one can be worked on, and four is a number people can still repeat at the school gate a week later.

The academic models have a dozen headings and nobody outside the field retains them. A short list gives parents something to hang observations on, so…

For the child who flies off the handle at noise, labels and crowded rooms, with no autism diagnosis in the picture, a free parent completed sensitivity questionnaire will tell you more than another behaviour chart.

It gives you a structured way to describe the reactivity without reaching for a diagnosis the child may not have, and it points at what to change:…

Praise a quality of their character, not only something they did.

To be admired for who you are, not just what you produced, is a rare and steadying gift.

Ask a follow-up question instead of offering your own view.

Curiosity says you are still worth discovering; advice can quietly say the opposite.

Ask what makes them feel most cared for, and then believe the answer.

Our usual gestures are often for the person we imagine, not the one in front of us.

Ask them something you do not already know the answer to.

Today, ask your spouse one question you cannot predict the answer to. Not "how was your day." Something like: what are you quietly worried about this…

Learn how they were comforted as a child.

How someone was soothed long ago still shapes what feels like love now.

If a child is behind in reading, the gap rarely closes on its own with another year of the same. Asking for a proper assessment now is kinder than hoping that maturity will do the work.

National figures show reading proficiency barely shifting between primary school and the end of secondary, which tells you that catching up later is…

After a course of intensive work, this student's sound skills moved from the middle of the range to near the top. Average was never the ceiling. It was simply where an untreated difficulty had left them.

Hearing single sounds in a word, holding sounds in memory, repeating made up words: all of them shifted a long way once the teaching was right. That…