Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

13 practices

Fondness and admiration A minute On my own Clear all

Who it is written for

My husband or wife 13 Me 13

On your own, or with someone · On my own

On my own 13 Involves someone else 2

Theme · Fondness and admiration

Choosing your response 34 The moment before you snap 34 Staying regulated in conflict 32 Cool the body first 29 What anger actually is 24 Your nervous system 24 Grounding and settling 21 The fear underneath anger 20 Get started 19 Bringing the future closer 18 Medication and how it works 16 Your sense of time 14 Equanimity and perspective 14 Fondness and admiration 13 Answering bids 13 Treatment and medication 13 Structure and routine 12 Systems for daily life 12 Making it stick 12 Practising under provocation 11 Touch and bodywork 11 Feelings and focus 11 Growing empathy 10 Food, caffeine and fuel 9 Knowing your partner 9 What ADHD actually is 8 Exercise, food and other supports 8 Tolerate distress 7 Remembering to do it 7 Gratitude 7 Screens and attention 6 What worry does 6 When everything feels flat 6 Repair after rupture 6 Moving your body 6 Shame and stigma 5 Treatment and medication 5 Shared spiritual life 5 What you are actually defending 5 Breathing 5 Being seen and judged 5 Feeling from the inside 4 Self-compassion 4 Question the thought 4 Getting assessed and diagnosed 4 Facing it a step at a time 3 When you use something to cope 3 Name what you feel 3 Affection and touch 2 Rituals of connection 2 Righteous anger and perfectionism 2 Ride the urge 2 Shame 2 Rebuilding trust 2 Posture and how you carry yourself 2 Patience and trust 2 Panic and the body 2 Notice the pattern and flex 2 Meaning after harm 2 Let the wave come 2 Working with anger 2 Your worth is not conditional 2 Hold a boundary 2 Emotions as signals 2 Calm the body 2 Safety and grounding 2 Your window of tolerance 1 Anger, alcohol and the body 1 Breaking the worry loop 1 Care for yourself in loss 1 Rest and pacing 1 Reading, numbers and learning differences 1 Keep the bond 1 When anger turns to harm 1 Get it out of your head 1 Obsessions and compulsions 1 When you go numb 1 Act on your values 1 Validate yourself and others 1 Face it gently 1 Listening and understanding 1 Listen to the body 1 Letting it out safely 1

Approach

Gottman 7 Core 5 Emotionally focused 1

When

Any ordinary day 12 After a row 1

Tell your spouse plainly today that they matter to you, and why.

Not assumed, said. You matter to me, here is one reason. The heart needs to hear it.

A minuteFondness and admirationEmotionally focusedQur’an 25:74

Tell your spouse one thing you respect about who they are, not something they did.

Your patience, your honesty, the way you are with people. Admire the person, not the task.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 49:13

Recall out loud a moment you were proud of your spouse, and tell them so.

That thing you did last year, I still think about it. Bring the good memory into today.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 25:74

Scan today for one thing your spouse did right, and say it before the day ends.

The mind drifts to what is wrong. Deliberately catch what is right, then name it.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 99:7

Remember one reason you chose your spouse, and let it soften how you see them today.

The quality that first drew you is still in there under the daily wear. Look for it.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 30:21

When your spouse comes up in conversation today, say something good, or say nothing.

The affectionate word behind their back becomes what you feel to their face. Guard it.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 24:19

Replace one eye-roll or cutting joke today with a word of respect.

Contempt is the slow poison. Catch the sneer and turn it, deliberately, into something kind.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 49:11

Catch one comparison of your spouse to someone else today, and turn it to cherishing.

Not why can't you be like them. Instead, name what only your spouse is and gives.

A minuteFondness and admirationGottmanQur’an 20:131

Do not say the small unkind thing about them to someone else.

Today, notice the moment when you could make an easy joke at your spouse's expense, to a friend, a sibling, your mother, the group chat. Don't. Say…

A minuteFondness and admirationCoreQur’an 49:12

Take the sarcasm out of one conversation today.

Contempt is the most corrosive tone in a marriage; its opposite is plain, warm respect.

A minuteFondness and admirationCoreQur’an 49:11

Do not make the easy joke at their expense to someone else.

Guarding their dignity when they are not in the room is a quiet, powerful loyalty.

A minuteFondness and admirationCoreQur’an 49:12

Raise the complaint without the words always or never.

One specific moment can be repaired; a sweeping verdict on their character cannot.

A minuteFondness and admirationCoreQur’an 49:12

Notice the tone you use with them that you would never use with a guest.

The people closest to us too often receive our least careful manners; this gently reverses that.

A minuteFondness and admirationCoreQur’an 3:159

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.