Practices

Slow breathing on its own does less than slow breathing with a warm feeling attached and something showing you how you are doing.

That is the difference between the deep breathing most people have tried and found underwhelming, and this. The feedback matters because otherwise…

If you try to call up a good feeling and nothing arrives, you are in ordinary company. That blankness is common after a long stretch of hard years, and it is workable.

It helps to do this part with someone else at first, because another person will notice the flicker you dismissed. Look for what is reliably there…

Practise this when you are calm and again when you are wound up. The second one is what makes it available in the moment you need it.

Skills learned in one state can be strangely hard to find in another, which is why people say they forgot to use it. Do the first round with someone…

A skill that lives in your own body and your own phone stays with you after the appointments stop. That is worth choosing for.

Plenty of what helps during treatment ends when the relationship does. This does not. People often say afterwards that the breathing thing was the…

Three minutes of slow breathing between one person and the next is not a break. It is part of the work.

Whoever you sit with next is reading your state before they hear a word of what you say, so arriving settled is a professional act rather than a…

A useful picture: the parts of your brain are sections of an orchestra. In dysregulation they are playing different tunes at different speeds. The aim is timing, not repair.

This is a kinder frame than damage, and a more accurate one. Nothing is broken or missing. What has gone is the coordination between parts that used…

Neurofeedback usually starts with an assessment, then a block of sessions, then a review, and it is mostly paid for privately. Ask about all of that before you begin.

It is a referral rather than something your therapist adds to a session, so you are taking on a second appointment, a second bill and a second…

Neurofeedback has its strongest support in attention difficulties, decent support in depression and anxiety, and for trauma it is promising rather than proven.

Reported gains include better sleep and attention, less irritability and fewer trauma symptoms. The honest caveats are cost, wide variation in how…

Calm is not automatically the goal, and arousal is not automatically the enemy. What you are after is a system that can move between them.

The older idea was simple: stress bad, relaxation good. It missed that the same slowing down which feels like peace when you are safe is shutdown…

Gut trouble during a hard stretch is not imaginary and it is not a character flaw. Your gut has its own branch of the nervous system, and it answers threat like the rest of you.

It senses chemical change, runs digestion and talks to your immune system, and it is wired into the same circuits that handle fear. So the churning,…

A stress response is built to finish. The rush comes up, you do something with it, and then it drains away and you are back to yourself.

The trouble is that the doing something rarely happens, because you cannot run or shout in the middle of a meeting. The aim is not to stop the surge.…

If you start shaking or trembling after a fright, or partway through a difficult conversation, that is usually your body finishing something rather than falling apart.

Animals do it visibly. A creature that has been hunted and got away will shake hard for a while and then walk off as though nothing happened. In…

Your stress system needs an all clear as much as it needs an alarm. What often breaks after trauma is the signal that says it is over.

Cortisol rises to get you moving, and a feedback loop is meant to notice you are safe and turn the tap off. When that loop is working badly, avoiding…

Unfinished defence tends to park somewhere specific: a jaw that will not unclench, arms that never got to push, legs that never ran.

Mobilising starts deep in the middle of you and travels out to the edges, first the eyes and jaw and voice, then the arms, then the legs. Stopped…

When the danger still feels like it is happening, that is not a mistake in your thinking. It is a sequence in your body that never got to finish.

This is why arguing with yourself does so little. You can know the date, know where you are, know it is long over, and still have a system reporting…

People carrying long term trauma often show low stress hormone levels rather than high ones. Flat and exhausted is a stress presentation too.

Researchers expected the opposite and found this repeatedly. It matches what people describe: not wired but wrung out, foggy, unable to get started.…

A day has a shape. Energy up in the morning, a real dip in the early afternoon, a second lift in the evening, then down into sleep.

That early afternoon dip is normal and not a sign that you are lazy. Knowing the ordinary pattern gives you something to compare your own against,…