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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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13 practices
Answering bids remove filterCoping, mostly remove filterOn my own remove filterClear all
Who it is written for
Me 13My husband or wife 13
On your own, or with someone · On my own
On my own 13Involves someone else 11
Theme · Answering bids
Medication and how it works 52Your nervous system 52What anger actually is 45Choosing your response 41Get started 41The moment before you snap 39Systems for daily life 39The fear underneath anger 38Staying regulated in conflict 36Equanimity and perspective 36Your sense of time 31Bringing the future closer 30Moving your body 30Touch and bodywork 30Treatment and medication 27Getting assessed and diagnosed 26When everything feels flat 26Exercise, food and other supports 26Feelings and focus 25Grounding and settling 22What ADHD actually is 21Food, caffeine and fuel 19Practising under provocation 19Cool the body first 18Making it stick 18Structure and routine 18Screens and attention 17What you are actually defending 17What worry does 17Treatment and medication 16Growing empathy 15Breathing 15Fondness and admiration 13Answering bids 13Being seen and judged 12Feeling from the inside 12Shame and stigma 12Righteous anger and perfectionism 12Remembering to do it 11Knowing your partner 10Self-compassion 8Tolerate distress 8Emotions as signals 8Repair after rupture 8Shared spiritual life 7Use your strengths 7When you use something to cope 7Breaking the worry loop 7Gratitude 7Anger, alcohol and the body 6Facing it a step at a time 6When anger turns to harm 5Question the thought 5Meaning after harm 4Notice the pattern and flex 3Act on your values 3Safety and grounding 3Your worth is not conditional 3Working with anger 3Rebuilding trust 3Posture and how you carry yourself 3Let the wave come 3Calm the body 3Name what you feel 3Affection and touch 2Keep the bond 2Reading, numbers and learning differences 2Listen to the body 2Get it out of your head 2Obsessions and compulsions 2Patience and trust 2Rest and pacing 2Ride the urge 2Rituals of connection 2Find meaning 2Face it gently 2Your window of tolerance 2Work with your brain 2Care for yourself in loss 2Hold a boundary 2Living with uncertainty 1The cost of avoiding 1Panic and the body 1When you go numb 1Listening and understanding 1Validate yourself and others 1
Approach
Core 5Gottman 4Emotionally focused 4
When
Any ordinary day 10Under stress 2Something good 1

Give your spouse a few minutes of your full, undistracted attention today.

Not half-present behind a screen. Turned toward, eyes up, entirely here for a moment.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:263

Answer one bid for closeness today that you might have let pass.

The come see this, the small touch, the story. Turn toward it, do not scroll past it.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:263

Send your spouse one reaching message in the middle of the day, for no reason.

Thinking of you. A small signal across the hours that says you are on my mind.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 13:28

In a raw, vulnerable moment, ask your partner directly for comfort and reassurance instead of hiding the need.

When you are hurting, the brave move is to say plainly what you need, hold me, tell me we are okay, rather than testing your partner or going silent.…

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 28:24

Answer the small bid today: the passing comment is really a reach for your attention.

Look up, turn toward, respond. The weather remark is not about the weather.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 2:263

Catch one bid you would normally miss today, a sigh, a pause, a look, and respond to it.

Many reaches are quiet. Tune to the small signals and turn toward one you would have passed.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 50:16

When your spouse speaks to you today, put the phone down and give your whole face.

Divided attention says you are second. Undivided attention, even for a minute, says you are first.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 2:263

In one decision today, let your spouse's view actually change yours.

Not conceding for peace. Finding the part of what they say that is right, and yielding to it.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 42:38

When they share good news, ask a question about it.

The next time your spouse tells you something good, do not just say "that's great." Ask about it. How did it happen? What did you say? How did it…

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 30:21

Do the small thing you said you would do.

Think of the smallest thing you told your spouse you would do and have not done. The call, the form, the shelf. Do it today, not because it matters,…

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 17:34

Answer the small bid; the passing comment about the weather is really a reach for you.

Turning toward these tiny moments, again and again, is what quietly builds a bond.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 4:19

Do the smallest thing you said you would do and have not.

Small kept words are the quiet floor a marriage stands on.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 17:34

Before you respond, say back what you heard them mean.

Being understood, even before being agreed with, settles almost everything.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 42:38

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.