Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

12 practices
How long you have
Who it is written for · Me
On your own, or with someone
Theme · Answering bids
Medication and how it works 132Your nervous system 85Systems for daily life 80Get started 68Food, caffeine and fuel 53Your sense of time 52The moment before you snap 49Moving your body 48What anger actually is 48Choosing your response 45Bringing the future closer 45Exercise, food and other supports 41Equanimity and perspective 36Screens and attention 35What ADHD actually is 33Grounding and settling 33The fear underneath anger 31Touch and bodywork 31Getting assessed and diagnosed 30Practising under provocation 30Feelings and focus 28Growing empathy 28Treatment and medication 28When everything feels flat 27Structure and routine 27Being seen and judged 24Cool the body first 23Breathing 23Shame and stigma 22Making it stick 21Remembering to do it 20Knowing your partner 20Treatment and medication 18What worry does 17When you use something to cope 17Shared spiritual life 16Feeling from the inside 15Breaking the worry loop 15Fondness and admiration 14What you are actually defending 13Facing it a step at a time 13Answering bids 12Staying regulated in conflict 11Tolerate distress 11Obsessions and compulsions 10Righteous anger and perfectionism 10Listening and understanding 10Gratitude 9Posture and how you carry yourself 9Self-compassion 8Emotions as signals 8Use your strengths 8Affection and touch 7Rituals of connection 7Anger, alcohol and the body 6Question the thought 6Rebuilding trust 5Shame 5Your worth is not conditional 3When you go numb 3Notice the pattern and flex 3Living with uncertainty 3Rest and pacing 3The cost of avoiding 3Repair after rupture 3Get it out of your head 2Keep the bond 2Find meaning 2Act on your values 2Face it gently 2Meaning after harm 2When anger turns to harm 2Work with your brain 2Care for yourself in loss 1Safety and grounding 1Reading, numbers and learning differences 1Panic and the body 1Listen to the body 1Your window of tolerance 1
Approach
When · Any ordinary day

Give your spouse a few minutes of your full, undistracted attention today.

Not half-present behind a screen. Turned toward, eyes up, entirely here for a moment.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:263

When your spouse reaches today, receive it fully instead of deflecting.

Not a joke, not a change of subject. Let the kindness or the bid actually land on you.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 4:86

Answer one bid for closeness today that you might have let pass.

The come see this, the small touch, the story. Turn toward it, do not scroll past it.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:263

Send your spouse one reaching message in the middle of the day, for no reason.

Thinking of you. A small signal across the hours that says you are on my mind.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 13:28

Answer the small bid today: the passing comment is really a reach for your attention.

Look up, turn toward, respond. The weather remark is not about the weather.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 2:263

Catch one bid you would normally miss today, a sigh, a pause, a look, and respond to it.

Many reaches are quiet. Tune to the small signals and turn toward one you would have passed.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 50:16

When your spouse speaks to you today, put the phone down and give your whole face.

Divided attention says you are second. Undivided attention, even for a minute, says you are first.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 2:263

In one decision today, let your spouse's view actually change yours.

Not conceding for peace. Finding the part of what they say that is right, and yielding to it.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 42:38

Do the small thing you said you would do.

Think of the smallest thing you told your spouse you would do and have not done. The call, the form, the shelf. Do it today, not because it matters,…

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 17:34

Answer the small bid; the passing comment about the weather is really a reach for you.

Turning toward these tiny moments, again and again, is what quietly builds a bond.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 4:19

Do the smallest thing you said you would do and have not.

Small kept words are the quiet floor a marriage stands on.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 17:34

Once a day, take turns unloading the day's outside stress while the other just listens and supports, not fixes.

Ten minutes each on stress from beyond the relationship. The listener gives empathy, not solutions.

Twenty minutesAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 5:2

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.