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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

7 practices

When you go numb Clear all

How long you have

A minute 1 Five minutes 6

Who it is written for

A practitioner 7 My husband or wife 6 Me 5

Where you are right now

Struggling right now 6 Coping, mostly 1

On your own, or with someone

On my own 4 Both of us together 2 Involves someone else 1

Theme · When you go numb

Medication and how it works 177Your nervous system 120Systems for daily life 114What anger actually is 103Getting assessed and diagnosed 93 The moment before you snap 88 Choosing your response 81 Get started 74 Moving your body 71 Treatment and medication 71 Grounding and settling 71 Equanimity and perspective 68 Feelings and focus 66 Your sense of time 66 Staying regulated in conflict 65 Touch and bodywork 65 What ADHD actually is 65 Cool the body first 65 Screens and attention 62 The fear underneath anger 61 Exercise, food and other supports 61 Bringing the future closer 60 Food, caffeine and fuel 59 When everything feels flat 54 Practising under provocation 46 The cost of avoiding 44 Structure and routine 36 Growing empathy 36 Shame and stigma 35 Breathing 35 Reading, numbers and learning differences 34 What worry does 34 Making it stick 33 Treatment and medication 31 Emotions as signals 30 Being seen and judged 30 Tolerate distress 27 Remembering to do it 27 Feeling from the inside 25 Knowing your partner 25 What you are actually defending 24 Answering bids 24 When you use something to cope 24 Facing it a step at a time 24 Breaking the worry loop 24 Repair after rupture 19 Shame 19 Obsessions and compulsions 18 Rebuilding trust 17 Righteous anger and perfectionism 17 Shared spiritual life 17 Fondness and admiration 15 Affection and touch 15 When anger turns to harm 15 Posture and how you carry yourself 13 Listening and understanding 13 Rituals of connection 13 Self-compassion 12 Question the thought 11 Use your strengths 10 Gratitude 9 Anger, alcohol and the body 8 When you go numb 7 Living with uncertainty 5 Rest and pacing 5 Panic and the body 5 Safety and grounding 4 Letting it out safely 4 Meaning after harm 4 Name what you feel 3 Working with anger 3 Your worth is not conditional 3 Notice the pattern and flex 3 Let the wave come 3 Calm the body 3 Act on your values 3 Listen to the body 2 Patience and trust 2 Care for yourself in loss 2 Get it out of your head 2 Keep the bond 2 Hold a boundary 2 Help someone grieving 2 Validate yourself and others 2 Ask and say no well 2 Work with your brain 2 Face it gently 2 Your window of tolerance 2 Ride the urge 2 Find meaning 2

When

After a row 3 Any ordinary day 3 When apart 1

Ask what is happening in the body right now, in the moment it happens, rather than asking afterwards what the feeling was.

A shutdown is quickest to catch while it is switching on. The question that works is small and physical: what is happening in your chest, your…

A minuteWhen you go numbEmotionally focusedQur’an 16:78

When someone says they feel nothing, find out where the nothing reaches. All the time, or only towards good things, or only here, in this conversation, when criticism is in the air?

The three answers point in quite different directions. Numb everywhere, day and night, is worth taking to a doctor. Numb to good things while the bad…

Five minutesWhen you go numbEmotionally focusedQur’an 50:37

If a medicine has taken the edge off everything, including the good things, that is worth raising with whoever prescribed it. Taking the sharpness out of pain is one thing. Feeling nothing at all is not a way to live.

It matters practically as well as personally. Anything you are trying to change, in a relationship or in yourself, needs some feeling to work with,…

Five minutesWhen you go numbEmotionally focusedQur’an 6:122

The same sentence lands completely differently depending on who says it. If nothing stirs when it is described second hand, let the person it belongs to say it to you directly.

A therapist repeating what your partner said is information. Your partner turning to you and saying it, in their own voice, is an event. That is why…

Five minutesWhen you go numbEmotionally focusedQur’an 8:2

Rather than arguing with someone who says they feel nothing, say plainly what would ordinarily hurt about it. Hearing that the person you love is disappointed in you is a hard thing to hear.

Said warmly, this is not a challenge. It sets out what a person would usually feel and leaves them to notice the gap between that and what they are…

Five minutesWhen you go numbEmotionally focusedQur’an 15:97

Going still and needing nothing is usually something a person worked out young, somewhere it was the sensible answer.

If reaching out met dismissal, or worse, then not reaching out is not a flaw of character. A child who stops asking, stops showing what they feel and…

Five minutesWhen you go numbEmotionally focusedQur’an 57:16

Pulling back makes you harder to reach, which makes people give up on reaching, which looks like proof that nobody was coming. The loop closes itself.

Being told to open up rarely breaks it, because opening up in one go is exactly the risk the whole strategy exists to prevent. What breaks it is…

Five minutesWhen you go numbEmotionally focusedQur’an 39:23

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.