Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

33 practices

Making it stick Clear all

How long you have

A minute 14 Five minutes 12 Twenty minutes 3 Longer 4

Who it is written for

A practitioner 33 Me 30 Someone I care about 18

Where you are right now

Coping, mostly 19 Getting ready for something 8 Struggling right now 6

On your own, or with someone

On my own 29 Involves someone else 3 Both of us together 1

Theme · Making it stick

Medication and how it works 177Your nervous system 120Systems for daily life 114What anger actually is 103Getting assessed and diagnosed 93 The moment before you snap 88 Choosing your response 81 Get started 74 Moving your body 71 Treatment and medication 71 Grounding and settling 71 Equanimity and perspective 68 Feelings and focus 66 Your sense of time 66 What ADHD actually is 65 Touch and bodywork 65 Cool the body first 65 Staying regulated in conflict 65 Screens and attention 62 Exercise, food and other supports 61 The fear underneath anger 61 Bringing the future closer 60 Food, caffeine and fuel 59 When everything feels flat 54 Practising under provocation 46 The cost of avoiding 44 Structure and routine 36 Growing empathy 36 Shame and stigma 35 Breathing 35 Reading, numbers and learning differences 34 What worry does 34 Making it stick 33 Treatment and medication 31 Emotions as signals 30 Being seen and judged 30 Remembering to do it 27 Tolerate distress 27 Feeling from the inside 25 Knowing your partner 25 Facing it a step at a time 24 What you are actually defending 24 When you use something to cope 24 Breaking the worry loop 24 Answering bids 24 Repair after rupture 19 Shame 19 Obsessions and compulsions 18 Righteous anger and perfectionism 17 Rebuilding trust 17 Shared spiritual life 17 Fondness and admiration 15 When anger turns to harm 15 Affection and touch 15 Posture and how you carry yourself 13 Rituals of connection 13 Listening and understanding 13 Self-compassion 12 Question the thought 11 Use your strengths 10 Gratitude 9 Anger, alcohol and the body 8 When you go numb 7 Panic and the body 5 Rest and pacing 5 Living with uncertainty 5 Letting it out safely 4 Meaning after harm 4 Safety and grounding 4 Act on your values 3 Your worth is not conditional 3 Notice the pattern and flex 3 Calm the body 3 Name what you feel 3 Working with anger 3 Let the wave come 3 Help someone grieving 2 Your window of tolerance 2 Work with your brain 2 Find meaning 2 Face it gently 2 Ride the urge 2 Patience and trust 2 Care for yourself in loss 2 Get it out of your head 2 Listen to the body 2 Ask and say no well 2 Keep the bond 2 Hold a boundary 2 Validate yourself and others 2

Approach

Core 17 Mindfulness 16

When

Any ordinary day 24 Under stress 6 After a row 2 In a change 1

Sit still, choose a position, and hold it. Within seconds your body will be asking to move the chin or scratch the neck, and each of those small urges is a free repetition of letting an impulse pass.

You do not need anyone to provoke you for this. Notice the urge, breathe once, let it sit there without obeying it, and carry on. Two or three…

Five minutesMaking it stickMindfulnessQur’an 2:45

A cold shower hands you a clean, timed urge to work with. You plan a minute, and four seconds in every part of you wants out: notice it, breathe, let the wave pass, then notice it come back.

The useful discovery is not toughness. It is that urges arrive in waves rather than climbing forever, so waiting one out turns out to be a real…

Five minutesMaking it stickMindfulnessQur’an 19:65

This goes the way learning a bicycle went. You could not, then you could but only with all of your attention, then one day you rode without thinking about it. The middle bit is the ugly bit.

In that middle phase the skill works but it costs you everything to use, and it looks clumsy from the outside. That is where most people decide it is…

Five minutesMaking it stickMindfulnessQur’an 84:19

Meditation does more as upkeep than as a fire extinguisher. Doing it on the calm days is what lowers the level your threat system sits at.

If you only reach for it when you are already furious, it will seem useless and you will drop it, which is what usually happens. Practise it when…

Five minutesMaking it stickMindfulnessQur’an 3:200

Notice how much of the tightness in you is the verdict you are passing. As the judging comes down, the body tends to come down with it.

This is something you can test rather than something to believe. Catch yourself narrating: he always does this, she has no respect, typical. Then…

Five minutesMaking it stickMindfulnessQur’an 16:127

When you offer a practice to someone, use their words for it rather than yours. Keep the fuller version ready for the day they ask where it comes from.

A plain, unmystical version suits most people and costs them nothing to accept. Anyone who gets curious can have all of it, and they will take more…

Five minutesMaking it stickMindfulnessQur’an 5:48

Knowing something calmly and feeling it are two separate achievements, and the second takes longer. If you can say the reasonable thing but it does not touch how you feel, you are partway, not failing.

The gap does not close by arguing with yourself harder. It closes by living it: doing the practice in real situations, in your body, while the…

Twenty minutesMaking it stickCoreQur’an 87:8

Pick the news channel you cannot stand and watch ten minutes of it on purpose. The only job is to notice what rises in you and let it go by.

Real provocation turns up when you are least ready for it. This gives you the feeling with nothing at stake: the indignation, the tightening, the…

Twenty minutesMaking it stickMindfulnessQur’an 41:35

When something is genuinely alive for the person in front of you, work with that. Whatever you had planned to cover keeps until a quieter week.

Teaching over the top of live feeling does not land, and it tells the other person that your agenda outranks their week. When there is heat, follow…

Twenty minutesMaking it stickCoreQur’an 18:23

It does get better, but not by waiting for time to pass. The improvement comes from the walking, and the walking is small and unremarkable.

Every rep you did today changes almost nothing you can feel, which is the honest and irritating truth of it. Progress here shows up over months and…

LongerMaking it stickMindfulnessQur’an 92:7

Skills bring the flare ups down in number and in heat. What they leave standing is the layer underneath: what you believe you are owed, and how you think people ought to behave.

That layer is slower work, closer to rebuilding a view of life than to learning a technique. What counts as fair, what can reasonably be expected of…

LongerMaking it stickCoreQur’an 13:11

Anger gets fed from several places: blame, not being able to bear not knowing, losing sight of the other person, and needs you never said out loud. Each one wants a different kind of work.

So it is worth asking which of them is mostly yours. If it is blame, forgiveness is the road. If it is not knowing, the work is learning to sit with…

LongerMaking it stickCoreQur’an 41:35

The work you are doing on anger does not stay in the anger box. Learning to hold an unanswered question, or to sit with what you cannot change, turns up in worry and in low patches too.

That is quietly encouraging on the days the anger part feels slow. It also means being careful about crediting every improvement to the anger work,…

LongerMaking it stickCoreQur’an 92:7

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.